Thursday, June 15, 2006

Like me, Just like me.













So on so what
To this and that
Bounce off and back
And to return again

All things that rise must fall
And all things that burns must seized
Like the day must come to night
And some nights stay longer…

Like me
Like Mr. Mickey Tan
Like me, like me.

I’m used to escape into the night of sober
Where words sprang out like they aren’t mine
Scrapes of thoughts and papers printed by my heart
The true voices that I hear the next day

And found solace

That someone within knows me
That he hurts like me
Hates and love like me
He’s one but not the same

He’s me without restrictions
The one that sprang out with help of drink and smoke and pills
The one that I become less and less often
Maybe I over walked that channel that door
And that pain strikes when I swallow the key
And the weights of the doors are hard to pull apart

I touched my neck feeling for the source
And pray never to confront it

Something for Father's Day


A day to my birthday, 2003, and typing

Your second son was born
must have touched my head
how smart i would be
a part of you live in me
now you're gone.

how was the weather like that Oct afternoon?
did you know it's a boy?
how long did you think of what to call me
the youngest of the family

never was there a memory of caringness on days any other
nor birthdays celebrated
Instead you never fail to part with your hard earnings
on the toys I've got once in a while.

The books, the fees, the computers when rams are sold per mb.
all for the future you let me choose
and the support unrelentless
You tried your best when your pockets empty
yet till the end i have paid no toll nor due enough.

and all the times when I'm down with fever so high
when I'm not able to walk or stay much awake
I remember you come in before you work
and put your hands on my head
the most recent time when I'm sick
you did the same, hoping for my recovery

the last and only time i place my hand on you head
you were motionless and cold
I was hoping for your recovery
that never came.

And now you're gone
I'm left with debts unpaid
words over due
and promises un fulfilled

What's left is the little memories
of the man that gave me life.
and that maybe I would pay my debt
when I have a son.

If I ever...

It's just time, spent


what words are left to be written
from someone who believes in nothing much
all brought on by he's inability to believe in one thing
himself

even as he writes
he sigh at the thoughts of his pitiful number of words he knew
the kind of writing that'll never find praises nor interest any soul
and in that thought that say
what is the whole point?
Who's going to read it.
even you yourself would not

With that I shall stop my typing
just some time I spent

Thats all.

A song I wrote


I wonder where were you
All the time when I'm at my most
Spontaneous
Sexy

How come the groovest always plays
on my internet radio with you far away,
Those sound that would spin us round and round
with endless bolt of touch,
silent movements

and we

will add breathing to the rhythm
.....

And now another one of those songs,
Damn the DJ or blame it on the little time we had,
another danceable tunes.
I could feel you forget what we've become,
and be ourselves.
.....

And when I'm at my most drowsy,
so needing touch
Where were you,?

All the time when I'm at my most
Spontaneous
Sexy.....

As I emerge as me once again to someone new,
where were boredom,
And slow paced seem like light,
At my most.....
Spontaneous
Sexy
......

You were my impromptu sex,
My pleasure at the stairway, indulge the night away,
You were my picnic buddy, did we need to eat out so often?

With my jacket as our shelter, your flashbacks of your dream of fishes,
Brazilian bands working hard, our lips were worked too,

Now where have you been,
Spontaneous
Sexy
You.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Hum... Feeling


Low and heavy clouds, reflection on the water and magic hour. iLike.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

letter from a not so old friend 06



I don't particularly remember us syncing, especially when it comes to conversation. Spontaneous maybe, the stairways, the kayaks, roofs and sand. But yet all this by far, showed a very challenging time, like making windoz talk to a mac or visa versa. You can sync them, but are they really ... talking? When an specially invented language were made between us, like lyric-less rhythm of todays chillouts, grooves. Meaningless to most.

I was a modern dancer under A Drama center for close to 2 years, i can't keep my my feet firm when listening to the Groove Salad (Soma FM), I use to know all the MJ moves that I'm so afraid to disclose now. And anyone who have been with me to zouk will either think of me as a freak or follow suit. And yes, I have success hitching on to girls on occasion who dances as crazy as I.

What set me thinking about us today? And about dancing? Was the last conversation about the prospect of us doing salsa together before you head back. Believe me, I am losing blood in my hands typing this, cold hands. ********, the irony is, do you ever recall us dancing together? Like really dancing? The most it have ever come to is the "Couple Dance" at pubs, more public foreplay than anything else if seriously speaking. Hell, I've even dance more R&B with my buddy's GF than with you.

Hum... spicy, zesty, energetic and sensual partner dance. Many considered a "street dance" as it is free and spontaneous. Passion, passionate, have you seen those Latin and Afro-Caribbean dances? Salsa is similar to Mambo in that both have a pattern of six steps danced over eight counts of music. The dances share many of the same moves. In Salsa, turns have become an important feature, so the overall look and feel are quite different form those of Mambo. Mambo moves generally forward and backward, whereas, Salsa has more of a side to side feel. Hum... do you remember at Viva Brazil 1999? You bet, we didn't dance then either.

Who invented salsa? The Cubans, Puerto Ricans
*Flashback Viva Brazil* Dreams of fishes, music in abandance, beers and tapping of the rain from the jacket that sheided us.

Our little adventure with the old folks in the mist of cha cha, ballroom dancing and folks singing Chai Qing and Teresa Teng, and the upbeat uncle giving us an advice. A dance will either re-ignite two as one, or break you. He then recall instances of aged couples that fought soon after, and couples that sparks once again. My guess is, dance, bring out what's inside, truly.

My friend, all I by partaking this event, on a lighter note is to lose my belly, is to reinforce our friendship. We shared a large chapter of our lives together and might as well take on a more successful role as friends and maybe buddies. To add another extension to our lifes and add another trophy for the been there category. I know you feel the same way too, except for the belly part.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Mobile Office


One of my '"OutSide" Office.

Other spots include the National Library, Macdonals for wireless access, and other places.

Friday, August 19, 2005

email from not such an old friend


Still in indonesia,
I tell you at this point i feel like flying home asap. IT's crazy seeing people gone mad.

Kids on the local street shielding rain for the chinese with an umbrella to heavy for him for a meager sum of 1000 rupiah, which is less than 20c here.

You see everyone is trying to get a job but aint any, who needs 10 cigarette stands between two lamp post?

And seeing the things my childhood friend did to the less powerful or the poor. Which all bad things boils down to the soul which is used to seeing such and doing such. To fill up emptyness? Then a quick switch to the sensible and muture and kind, split identity?

It is further more depressing to see, so much people with so many things, yet feel so depressed.

And then again the realistic treatment given towards those with power and those who didn't.

Yes ********, this trip was pretty the case of wrong company etc. BTW I did not really enjoy the trip neither. I guess I was consciously keeping myself awake. A second timer and play Nanny to the so call pros for the last two days.

Still, it's like a training ground for many things, survival in an intense place, and also occationally soak in to the sincere arms of fun.